Fat Tuesday: Week One

This week has been interesting to say the least. I went back and forth on what I should post and really struggled (and still struggling) with what I have come to realize about myself and my relationship with food.  I could post about how all I had to do was hop on the treadmill, eat some apples, and OMG, I lost so much weight! And you can do it too!! But that would be a lie and serve no real purpose.

Last Tuesday I was browsing Amazon looking for some books on weight loss(like I haven't read enough books) and I came a across a book on food addiction. Food addiction? What the hell is that? I answered some of the questions in the the description and with tears welling up in my eyes, I said yes to most of them. I spent the next hour or so Googling different things and it seems at the very least I am a compulsive overeater and quite possibly have a food addiction.

How can this be? How can you be addicted to food? I need food to live and giving it up is simply not an option. It's not like being addicted to alcohol and you  have to remove it from your life completely. You can't just stop eating -well you could, but that is obviously not the solution. 

I went ahead and ordered six books on compulsive overeating and food addiction. I spoke to our psychologist(the one we have been seeing since Kevin died) and he is working on finding someone who deals with this. I am coming to terms with admitting that I have issues with food and require some outside help. It is not easy. It is frickin embarrassing, actually.

Why blog about it and share this with my now seven or so readers(hi everyone!)? Part of admitting you have a problem is being honest about it. Like I said, I struggled with this and was thinking of not saying anything. I think it is important to be honest and genuine with my struggles. With one third of this country being overweight or obese I have a strong feeling I am not alone. Despite the statistics, being overweight and having a compulsive need to overeat is not socially acceptable. Fat people get made fun of and looked down upon. Why can't she just exercise? Why can't she just control her portion size? She must be lazy.  I wish it were that easy.

Most people wouldn't think of telling an alcoholic to just limit their drinking. Just have one beer instead of twelve. Easy, right? Anyone who has known an alcoholic and watched them recover knows that alcohol is eliminated from their lives. I believe food addiction works in a similar way. I obviously can't eliminate food from my life. What I can do is identify the foods that I abuse and eliminate those.

As I read more and thought about things, I realized I do not abuse all foods just certain ones. You won't find me secretly eating a head of romaine lettuce behind the sofa, but you could quite possibly find me eating cake, cookies, chips, cheese, and chocolate. I believe that I not only have an emotional addiction to these foods but a chemical one as well. I simply cannot control myself with certain foods.

This past week I eliminated sugar, animal fat(dairy), white flour, and any processed foods. By eliminate I mean they are no longer in my home. Sounds harsh, right? It is harsh. It sucked, actually. I felt like complete ass for three days. I kind of felt like I did when I gave up caffeine, but worse. By the fourth day I was feeling better.  It is a bit shocking to me that giving up these foods had the effect on my body that it did. I felt like I was going through withdrawal. I guess maybe I was.

This is only one part of what is needed. I will go to counseling, maybe check out some Overeaters Anonymous meetings, and continue to read about the physiological and psychological addiction to food. I will try to understand why I do this, what led to it, and what lifelong habits I will need to develop to get better. I may never be able to eat like "normal" Americans do. I am still struggling with that. I imagine that this will be a long, hard, and emotional journey. I am ready and I will continue to update every week. It may not be pretty but it will be the truth.

Oh, I almost forgot, I lost six pounds this week… YEEEHAW!!