Week Two: The Facts

I wanted to throw in the towel on several occasions. It would be so easy to go to Taco Bell or eat a piece a of cake. All the uncomfortable feelings would go away. These uncomfortable feelings are something. When my crutch is gone I have to deal with them. It is a bitch.

I didn't throw in the towel. I tell myself that this is a lifelong change and I am just at the beginning. I am still feeling the physical and psychological effects of eliminating sugar and refined carbohydrates from my diet. And it sucks. Monkey balls.

Anyway.

I could go into all the feelings I am having but no one needs to read all of that hot mess, so I will stick with the facts for now.

Bok choy is good for me and fun to say.  I bought some and ate it. Baby bok choy is cute and more fun to say.

Kale is my friend. I put it in a smoothie or steam it.

When I eat 50 pounds of fruit, vegetables and greens a day. I am regular, very regular.

I am learning to be ok with going out to eat and having a salad because there is nothing else to eat. I can either eat before I go or eat when I get home.

Despite the uncomfortable feelings, I can tell my body is functioning better than it has in a long time. I require less sleep and have more energy.

The psychological aspect of food addiction is fascinating. I understand why diets and traditional food plans never worked long term and, in fact, made the problem worse.

Matt was gone for three days. That was hard. You see, I would normally binge eat when he is gone.

I am trying desperately to balance my issues with food with everyone else in the home.  Matt doesn't know what to order when we go out and I suspect Emily is irritated that we no longer have any processed food in the house. She often rolls her eyes as she grabs a bag of grapes. She gets teased at school for her healthy lunches. Most kids have never heard of hummus, sigh….. It will take time and we will come to a place of normalcy and understanding.

I worry that people will think I am judgmental about what they are eating. Trust me, I am not. I care about what I eat and what my kids eat. That is it.

I am terrified of failing. I don't know if that feeling will go away. Hopefully I can work through that.

I lost three pounds this week for a total of 9 pounds.  I am going to have Matt hide the scale so I can weigh myself on Tuesday mornings only.

I really hope I get to a place where I can write about this with some humor. There is something about making fun of an addiction that just…. well…. seems wrong. Trust me when I say that I do have a sense of humor about all of this. I would not survive if I didn't. But like I said, I am not sure I can really convey that without seeming inappropriate… not like inappropriateness(is that a word?) has ever stopped me before.