Piano Man

It has become a tradition of ours to celebrate Matt and our dear friend Jeni's birthdays together. Normally we head to the bars, act like college students, and head home. This year Jeni suggested the piano bar. I had never been, but everyone I had talked to said it was a good time.

One of the highlights of the evening was Matt being called on to stage and serenaded by the pianist (that is a funny word).

The pianist (I just love that word) looked like he could be a Boy Scout leader or a youth pastor. So imagine my surprise when he broke into a version of Baby Got Back.  I honestly felt like I was watching a Saturday Night Live skit. Luckily Matt took a video clip. Enjoy…..

Here are some more pictures from the night. I just need to say pianist a few more times. Pianist, pianist, pianist, pianist……

Pianist pianist pianist….. ok I am done.

36 Things I Love About You

 

Today is Matt's 36th birthday. Yes, thirty six years ago this world was blessed with the birth of my, well….. interesting husband. I thought it would be a nice birthday surprise to him if I listed out thirty six things that I love about him. Let's see if I can think of that many.

1. He cleans the toilet. I usually don't even have to ask.

2. He loves to play with kids. Maybe it is because he still is one.

3. He is a genius. Seriously.

4. Back to the kids. He loves ours. He doesn't hold back. He is an awesome dad.

5. He loves me. All of me.

6. He has a dry, sometimes sick, sometimes inappropriate sense of humor. He makes me laugh everyday.

7. Matt is willing to sacrifice his dignity for a laugh. Love that. As I type this he is doing an interpretive dance to The Final Countdown. It made Ava start crying….

8. He knows what a vacuum is and is not afraid to use it.

9. He can fix my computer when it is naughty.

10. He wears socks with holes in them and gets mad at me when I throw them out.

11. He believed me when I told him he need not wear sweaters with waistbands and tapered sleeves. Ever.

12. He was not that offended when he went shopping by himself and I had him take everything back. I mean, he bought a shirt that was perfect… if he was going to apply for the train conductor's job at Niabi Zoo.

13. He tries not to let me drunk dial, drunk text, drunk Facebook, well… you get the idea. I know he has my best interest at heart when he hides the power cord to my laptop.

14. He is the voice of reason in this house. Even though his amazing ability to make logical decisions sometimes pisses me off, I appreciate that he knows what to do in most situations.

15. Matt is very supportive of my recent struggles. I couldn't ask for a more understanding partner.

16. Sweet bastard… did I really say I would do 36 of these……

17. He is tolerant of my use of the F word. He even says it on occasion… gasp!

18. He will watch romantic comedies with me.

19. He understands my need for an occasional mental health day and will take the day off work.

20. He finds it funny when our liquor bill is higher than our food bill at Applebee's.

21. He puts up with living in a zoo. He actually likes the chickens more than I do, I think.

22. Matt is not afraid to express his feelings and beliefs even if they are not popular. He has challenged my thinking and helped me accept the truth about things even if it is uncomfortable to do so.

23. He still let me drive after I ran into Blimpies- yes, the sandwich shop.

24. He doesn't complain too much when I break expensive electronics.

25. He reads in the bathroom. Yes, I love this about him for some odd reason.

26. He tolerates Sophie the wonder dog.

27. He always takes out the trash.

28. He likes my cooking. Most of the time.

29. He appreciates my honesty. Like when I say " That shirt makes you look like a douche", he knows I say it out of love and he changes.

30. He puts me and the kids first. No exceptions.

31. His sarcasm is admirable.

32. He rides a pink scooter to take Emily to the bus stop. Yes he has fallen and yes I laughed hysterically.

33. He understands that I use the word "bitch" as a term of endearment. So when I say, " get off my side of the bed you little bitch"  he knows I am just saying " I love you."

34. He is not afraid carry a baby in a sling.

35. He donates money to good causes and encourages others to do the same.

36. Matt is just an all around great person. I could not imagine myself with anyone else and feel so lucky that we have the life that we do.

 

Whew…. there you go… 36 things that I love about my husband. I actually could have kept going but I am already going to have to do an ego check after this….

I was thinking about what the perfect birthday present would be. I already gave him his new coat. I wanted to do something that reflected my sense of humor, sarcasm, and mean streak.

I am off to go cut all of the crotches out of his underwear. Don't worry, I will fold them up and put them back when I am done.

Come Home Soon

This is day four of my second round of single parenthood.  I must say that I am ready to lose my mind. Between Sophie's ass on fire dance and Ava's six month growth spurt I need a vacation.

I think I am a real chicken farmer now. Matt usually takes care of the chickens in the winter. Why? Well, it is frickin cold outside and I birthed the children- I believe that two unmedicated births and a c section entitle me to something, right? Anyway, while Matt is gone I am on chicken duty.  I could not figure out how to work the water container. So there I am in capri yoga pants, Uggs, and Matt's parka swearing at the chickens for something that is clearly not their fault.  I know what they were thinking though. Something along the lines of " look, that dumbass can't even figure out the water container bok bok"…. I know they were laughing at me, the little bitches….

Last night, between Ava getting up to nurse and Sophie needing to go out and run laps around the deck, I think I got a few hours of sleep. I woke at six a.m. to the sound of a cat expelling a hairball. Nice.

I have not changed the garbage, done only one load of laundry, the vacuum has not been moved at all. Emily is whining for a cell phone (there is no way on God's green earth that she is getting one). She claims she needs one incase she gets kidnapped. Really? The kidnapper is going to let you call your mom? ….

So, I need my husband. I said it. I suck at this single parent thing. The kids love him, I love him, the pets love him, and the chickens…. I am sure they prefer him. At least they don't get verbally abused when he changes the water.

Week Three: Still Truckin'

So this past week just kinda came and went.  I am still reading one of the books on food addiction that I ordered and it is fascinating. I wish they rated food addiction- like how bad is a person on a scale of one to five. They do that on the show Hoarders- "we have a level five situation here."  I would estimate myself to be a 2 maybe.  I am not the 900lb person that can't get out of the house and I am positive it would never get to that point.  But I definitely have the same kind of issues with food, just not so severe. I think the idea that you have to be morbidly obese to have a food addiction or compulsion to overeat is 100% false.

When I go to write these posts my thoughts do not flow freely as they usually do. I have a hard time with what to say. I don't want to offend anyone or make it seem like I know so much more than everyone else. Believe me when I say that I do not. I will say that everyone has the power to take control of their health. It is all about finding the right information and practicing it. Which is difficult. Damn near impossible, actually.

Am I scared that I will "fall off the wagon"? Absolutely. I am human. I think of myself as in recovery. I always will be. I think that I will struggle to not go back to my old ways. One day at a time.

I wish that food addiction and compulsive overeating was better understood. I wish that when I asked my Dr. for help(this was a few years ago) he would not of sent me to Weight Watchers only to fail again. Don't you ever wonder why they say results not typical? What the hell? Why am I paying for a program that will not work for most people?

Understanding the anatomy of food addiction and compulsive behavior is key. I now understand why I failed at every food plan I tried. I was not addressing the problem. Only the symptoms.  I would be given a typical food and exercise plan. I would follow it for awhile, months sometimes. I would lose weight. I would "fall off the wagon" and revert back to my old behavior and gain the weight back plus some. Enter feelings of guilt, worthlessness, loneliness, and depression. Repeat.

So, for me, it is essential to get behind the compulsive behavior and avoid the things that trigger it. I choose to not put foods in my body that trigger me to overeat. I still eat a lot. Just not what "normal" people do.

Also understanding how certain foods affect the body was important for me. I was filling my body with low nutrient foods and basically starving myself of the nutrients that my body so desperately needed.

So, this past week I lost 3 lbs for a total of 12 pounds.

I also wanted to share what I have determined to be a medical mystery. For as long as I can remember(since I was a kid) I have had these tiny bumps on my arms. They were the size of pin heads and felt like scabs. My sister lovingly referred to them as barnacles. I tried many lotions to try to get rid of them. Since I gave up dairy, sugar, and processed foods they have disappeared. I wish I knew what was the culprit. I assume it was an allergy of some kind? Who cares, I guess… I am just glad my arms are as smooth as a baby's butt.

She Knows

Last night was rough. Ava was up every hour on the hour wanting to nurse. Starting at 11:00 p.m. Just when I would start to drift off I would hear the familiar squawk( ok maybe it was just a whimper) of a hungry baby. I was hoping she would notice my little temper tantrum as I strapped on the nursing pillow, but she didn't.

I wanted to calmly explain to her that I needed to get up at six, get Emily's lunch made, get her hair done, and get her on the bus.  I have a feeling that Ava would not have understood. I think she knows that she runs the show. But, this too shall pass. One day she will be getting on the school bus too and I will miss the days of nursing in the middle of the night and our three hour naps in the recliner.

Sunday Morning

I am enjoying the last few hours with Matt and the kids before he heads to New York, sigh….. Work calls and he must go and save lives and make a difference.. or develop software, whatever.

I woke up with a sore neck, muscle aches, and just generally not feeling well. I hope it is nothing and passes quickly. And no, it is not a hangover. That was yesterday.

So I am going to spend the morning figuring out the new Moby Wrap in the hopes that Ava likes it and I can get some things done while carrying her. The rest of the day? Plotting what to do to Matt for leaving me for three and a half days.

Fridays with Kevin

Sunday's post with Ava kissing her cousin Eli reminded me of the time Keaton and Kevin thought it was so hilarious to kiss each other. Those boys loved each other so much. They called each other "Kiki", which I am not sure either would have appreciated once they got older. The other day I was riding in the car with Keaton and he looked at me with sad eyes and said, " Aunt Dawn, Kevin's heart was broken."  He sighed and went back to what he was doing. I will always wonder what the two of them would be doing now.

Dress Up

Have I mentioned that my eldest daughter has an active imagination? Emily and her friend wanted to be detectives. I guess she thought that she needed to have a beard to play this role. So why not just use a marker and draw one on? Thank goodness she decided against using a sharpie. I almost peed myself when they came downstairs to show us their characters.  I have a feeling she will love acting classes coming up in the spring.

Picture Perfect

I had full intentions of staying strong. Picture People does it to me every time. They bring out the most adorable framed pictures and I can't say no. I wasn't going to fall for it. But really… I should just leave and let Matt pick them out.  I guess it is not my fault that I (I mean we) produce such gorgeous children.

And this final picture, which they brought out framed, is why I have a credit card balance.

Week Two: The Facts

I wanted to throw in the towel on several occasions. It would be so easy to go to Taco Bell or eat a piece a of cake. All the uncomfortable feelings would go away. These uncomfortable feelings are something. When my crutch is gone I have to deal with them. It is a bitch.

I didn't throw in the towel. I tell myself that this is a lifelong change and I am just at the beginning. I am still feeling the physical and psychological effects of eliminating sugar and refined carbohydrates from my diet. And it sucks. Monkey balls.

Anyway.

I could go into all the feelings I am having but no one needs to read all of that hot mess, so I will stick with the facts for now.

Bok choy is good for me and fun to say.  I bought some and ate it. Baby bok choy is cute and more fun to say.

Kale is my friend. I put it in a smoothie or steam it.

When I eat 50 pounds of fruit, vegetables and greens a day. I am regular, very regular.

I am learning to be ok with going out to eat and having a salad because there is nothing else to eat. I can either eat before I go or eat when I get home.

Despite the uncomfortable feelings, I can tell my body is functioning better than it has in a long time. I require less sleep and have more energy.

The psychological aspect of food addiction is fascinating. I understand why diets and traditional food plans never worked long term and, in fact, made the problem worse.

Matt was gone for three days. That was hard. You see, I would normally binge eat when he is gone.

I am trying desperately to balance my issues with food with everyone else in the home.  Matt doesn't know what to order when we go out and I suspect Emily is irritated that we no longer have any processed food in the house. She often rolls her eyes as she grabs a bag of grapes. She gets teased at school for her healthy lunches. Most kids have never heard of hummus, sigh….. It will take time and we will come to a place of normalcy and understanding.

I worry that people will think I am judgmental about what they are eating. Trust me, I am not. I care about what I eat and what my kids eat. That is it.

I am terrified of failing. I don't know if that feeling will go away. Hopefully I can work through that.

I lost three pounds this week for a total of 9 pounds.  I am going to have Matt hide the scale so I can weigh myself on Tuesday mornings only.

I really hope I get to a place where I can write about this with some humor. There is something about making fun of an addiction that just…. well…. seems wrong. Trust me when I say that I do have a sense of humor about all of this. I would not survive if I didn't. But like I said, I am not sure I can really convey that without seeming inappropriate… not like inappropriateness(is that a word?) has ever stopped me before.

Six Months

Ava is six months old today. I was all prepared to take her in for pictures and celebrate by giving her an avocado. But instead were were sitting in the pediatrician's office with this:

Ava has a blocked tear duct, which we knew about, and apparently the eye and surrounding areas became irritated this morning. The tear duct itself should resolve on its own.  The rash is now gone and her eye looks almost normal.

I was more upset by all this than Ava was. I think I may have a little post traumatic stress about illnesses and such. If Ava's chart was not red flagged before, it is now. I am sure nurses think I am a bit off- they didn't think she needed to come in and I insisted that she be seen. There was panic in my voice as I envisioned her being admitted with some rare eye bacteria. But, she is fine, I am fine. I do feel like I need a stiff drink- it is before noon so I will refrain. Hopefully in a few days I will be able to do a cutesy six month update post.

Kissing Cousins

It's Raining Pugs

I received the following picture via e-mail from my grandmother. As you can imagine a dog lover such as myself found this to be precious. One of the pugs is an alumni from the shelter where I work.  If working one day a month constitutes as work…. Anyway, this brightened my day, hope it does the same for you.

Fridays with Kevin

Kevin was very sneaky when he wanted to do something that he shouldn't. He took my checkbook and a pen and went to work. He was a budding artist and would leave little pictures for us all over the house. I would tell him to draw a circle and he would go to work drawing something that looked nothing like a circle. I , of course, would tell him it was the most beautiful circle I have ever seen. I miss finding little scribbles all over things in the house. These pictures were taken just days before he died. He looked so well here. I am thankful that he was happy and well almost to the end. Such a sweet little boy.