The Climber

Fridays with Kevin

One of my favorite pictures of Emily and Kevin.

Favorite Pastime

Ava really enjoys clearing everything off the coffee table. When she is done with that she moves on the the baskets. Maybe she is trying to break my bad habit of leaving papers all over the table.

She has completely abandoned all of her toys and prefers to tip over laundry baskets, take all the magnets off the fridge, rip apart magazines, and play in the dog food.  She is what one might call a spirited child…

Random Pictures

The First 20

So I am down twenty pounds. I actually met that goal last week, but wasn't in the mood to talk about it.  I find that I am struggling with the behavioral aspect of all this much more than I thought I would.

Yesterday I skipped breakfast so that I would be able to eat more at lunch. I was having a rough day and wanted the comfort of eating 1,000 calories all at once. And when you eat like I do 1,000 calories is a lot of food. I realize that even though I consumed 1,700 calories for the day(I added this up after the fact as I do not calorie count) I am still displaying troubling behavior that needs to be addressed.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to serve perfect meals, pack perfect lunches, and have the perfect shopping cart at the store. I get irritated at Matt when he puts Gatorade in the cart….. I tell him it ruins the Zen of my cart.

Matt is really trying to help me be easier on myself. If I am too overwhelmed to cook it is ok to have veggie burgers. It is ok to not have a made from scratch meal every night. I won't be considered a failure if I throw some tofu hotdogs in the microwave with a bag a steamed veggies. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Part of being open about losing weight and the way I choose to do it involves worrying that people are just waiting for me to fail. Like I will get caught at the gas station with a candy bar in my hand. While I am positive no one will catch me doing that(I don't like candy bars) I can't say that I won't slip up. I can't say that I won't revert back to my old behaviors and self destruct. I can't say that I am perfect and will eat perfect all the time because I am not and I am sure I won't.

Sometimes the reality of the situation is overwhelming. I have a lot of weight to lose. I have a long way to go before I can consider myself healthy and a recovered food addict. It is a lesson in patience. Losing 1-2 pounds a week is hard to see as progress. I think that has led me to fail in the past. But I tell myself that the weight loss is just a side effect of leading a healthy lifestyle which is the ultimate goal. A one pound weight loss is not a failure. It is a small step towards the place where I need to be.

I wanted to reward myself with something after the first 20 pounds. And no, not with a big piece of chocolate cake.  So I bought myself all new underwear… I know, exciting stuff. Next up will be new jeans, I think Matt is getting tired of looking at my butt crack every time I sit down or bend over.

What's up Doc?

Food Rewards

Earlier this week I did something that I have been thinking about for weeks. I e- mailed the principle of Emily's school. Here is what I said:

 

Ms. Evans,

I would like to open a dialogue about reducing the amount of food rewards that are offered to kids during school.  I have noticed the trend of kids being offered candy, pizza, ice cream, doughnuts, and soda as a reward for good behavior and winning contests between the other classes. I worry that children that are offered food as a reward will begin to associate unhealthy eating as something they can do if they are well behaved or do something well. I feel that food should be seen as a resource that we use to fuel our bodies and not as a reward for good behavior.

Personally, I have struggled with weight and food issues my entire adult life and have recently taken steps to adjust what types of food we eat as a family. It is difficult to send my daughter to school knowing that she will be offered all kinds of foods that would normally not be available to her. In one week she had a pizza party with soda and a party with Whitey's ice cream. As a 10 year old, I can not expect her abstain from eating this stuff and it is not fair from a social standpoint to remove her from parties. It is confusing to her in that I tell her these foods are unhealthy but they are continually offered to her by people she sees as authority figures. I would love to see a "movie party" with healthier food choices( fruit, plain popcorn, bottled water, etc..) rather than a pizza party with pop. The produce section now has a large variety of prepackaged individual sized fruits and veggies. Little trinkets or stickers could be given as rewards rather than candy. Yesterday Emily was given candy because everyone in her class brought back all of their library books. I was talking to another parent that said kindergartners are given candy when they collect 10 compliments. Why not give a sticker or a decorated pencil?

Childhood obesity is reaching epidemic levels in this country. I really feel that the school environment is perpetuating this problem. To be clear, I don't think this is done on purpose or there is any ill will involved. I think that we can offer the kids different kinds of rewards other than junk food and they will be equally as excited. When it is warmer out they could win an hour of recess or class outside for a day.

I feared saying anything because I don't want to be seen as a complainer or trying to ruin the fun. I just think this would be a fairly easy thing to adjust and the school could do their part to protect our kids from obesity and all the physical and social complications that come along with it. I think it would be great if the staff, as a whole, would agree to stop giving candy and junk food to the kids and come up with other ways to reward them.

As a parent, there is nothing more important to me than the health of my child and I would like to see the school be on the same page.

Please let me know your thoughts on this. I am willing to help out and do whatever is necessary to make some changes.

Thank you for your time,

Dawn Kruse
Emily's mom

I was really happy that the principal responded and was excited that I had brought this up. I also received an e- mail from another staff member in support of what I am trying to do.  The plan is to discuss at the next staff meeting and I really hope the teachers will agree to end the practice of food rewards.

I try so hard at home to ensure that Emily eats what she should and I do not sabotage her with unhealthy choices.  It seems at school she is offered junk food every day.  I think my letter is a good first step and I am trying really hard to not go on the war path about this. Why is it that we are giving our kids junk food as rewards? It is like we are setting them up to fail. I am 30 years old and I struggle not to reward myself with food. I do not want to see other kids struggle like I have.

For now, I have asked Emily to bring home the candy she receives and we will keep a collection going to see how much accumulates. She can trade the candy in for a non food reward. She was excited about this and wants to see how much candy we can collect. I am not sure what to do about the pizza parties, ice cream parties, doughnut parties, etc…. Hopefully my letter will make a difference.

All of this got me thinking about food gifts in general.

I am still guilty of sending unwanted food gifts to Matt's work. I am going to stop doing that. I am sabotaging everyone at his work with food that I won't eat. I am just as guilty as Emily's school. So from now on any unwanted junk food that ends up in this house goes in the trash….

I know people are thinking oh…. what is the big deal? It is just a doughnut, pizza, ice cream, candy, pop…… it won't hurt…. To that I say, I would never let my child go smoke a few cigarettes in the front yard because I know that could cause disease. So why would I let and encourage her eat disease causing foods just because it is more socially acceptable?

I know I cannot control everything that she does and eventually she will make her own decisions- but isn't that what we do with all things? Give our kids the information they need and hope like hell that they make the healthiest decision. I certainly have talked to Emily about drugs, smoking, and other lifestyle choices that could have a negative affect on her life. Why should I leave out food? Statistically, that will be the issue that would most affect her.

I have read that our generation of kids is not expected to live as long as we are. To me, that is alarming. My "mama bear" instinct is coming out and  I want to protect my child. I want her school to be a "safe place" for learning and not a place where she is encouraged to eat large amounts of food that can  harm her. I want the food gifts to stop and be replaced with a hug or time spent with her. What was that saying… Hugs not Drugs… How about we apply that to junk food. Something like Hugs not M&M's…. well, you know what I mean.

Edited to add: I saw this video a few days ago. Please take a few minutes and hear what Jamie Oliver has to say regarding the state of the nutrition in our schools.

 

Flower Child

Fridays with Kevin

The picture I took of Ava and Duke reminded me of this picture. Kevin is about seven months old here. He loved Duke and I am pretty sure Duke didn't mind all that much. Kevin would crawl all over Duke and he would just lay there. All of the dogs were always so gentle with him.

Seven Months

Our baby girl is seven months old today. Her personality is starting to shine through and she is exploring the world around her. I try to stand back  and let her explore while trying to prevent as many bumps and bruises as I can.

Here is what she is up to these days:

Eating- she is still nursing but enjoys solids as well. Her favorites are: avocado, oatmeal, banana, quinoa, sweet potato, broccoli, zucchini, vegan mac and cheese, blueberries, steamed kale, and smoothies. We don't do purees so eating gets pretty messy around here.

Crawling- She is a maniac. She gets were she needs to go and even learned how to pull herself up the same day she went mobile. She has decided that baby toys are, well…. for babies. She prefers to play with all things she shouldn't and is truly offended if something gets taken away.

Growing- she is close to 19 pounds and has two teeth. She is wearing 6-9 month clothes and some 12 month. Her feet are still tiny ballerina feet.

She dislikes containment devices of all kinds. I even bought a brand new excersaucer with all the bells and whistles and she still screams like someone is pinching her every time I put her it.

She dislikes sleeping in her crib and usually sleeps half the night in there and half in bed with us. She wakes up 2-3 times a night to nurse.

Ava has discovered the art of shrieking as loud as she can. Sophie is almost 100% deaf. She can hear high pitched things like dog whistles, some sirens, and Ava shrieking. According to my mom I did the same thing as an infant… I may still do it sometimes as an adult…..

We are so grateful to have her in our lives. Happy seven months Ava Marie!

Jumping for Heart

This afternoon I headed to Emily's school to watch her participate in Jump Rope for Heart. She met her goal of raising over $500.00 and was the top fundraiser in her school. Thank you to everyone that donated. The school did a great job organizing the event- there was even a DJ. All the kids had a great time. Here are some pictures from the event.

Sick

Who would think that something as innocent as sinuses could cause so much misery. I feel like my face is going to explode. And I am a complete freak and will not take any medication for fear that it would pass through me to Ava. So I just tough it out. Matt is sick too. He is home helping with Ava, who thankfully is not sick.

I am going to crawl back into bed and hope that I get some relief soon.

A Girl And Her Dog

Two of a Kind

Today Matt and I are celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary. I thought it would be nice for me to list some of the reasons why I like to be married, to Matt, especially. But first I will share what Matt got me for a Valentine's Day/anniversary gift. I opened up the most lovely box of raw, organic, no sugar added, delicious chocolate.  Love him.

It came with a bonus pack of trail mix, which Matt thought was squirrel food.

Anyway, here are some of the reasons why I love being married to Matt.

1. I truly enjoy having conversations with a like minded person.

2. He answers my text messages even if I am in the basement and he is upstairs.

3. We can laugh in the middle of a heated "discussion"

4. He takes turns scooping cat litter even though they are my cats.

5. He lets me use the "I gave birth without meds" card to this day.

6. He loads the dishwasher.

7. He puts up with my vegan tendencies, even if it means eating tofu meatloaf.

8. He was only mildly irritated that I banned him from wearing the jeans he recently purchased. They are only appropriate if he is getting ready for a flood.

9. He sends me texts like this:

10. I have someone to blame my farts on.

Happy Anniversary, babe!

Dusting off the Treadmill

Ok- it doesn't really have to be dusted off… Matt does use it regularly but I haven't been on it in over a year. Matt has come up with a running plan so that I will be able to comfortably run a 5K by July 4th. He promised to run with me no matter how slow I am and Joanna said she would do it too.

The thought of me running makes me giggle. I am as uncoordinated as they come. The plan starts of with walking which is good because I am not even sure if I could run to the mailbox and back.  When it warms up I will start running outside- so if you see a chubby girl running down Hubbard road just keep driving and pretend you didn't see anything.

Also on the agenda is finding all of the work out DVD's that I have bought over the years. I might decide to take off the cellophane wrapper  and actually use one. We'll see- I don't want to get too wild and crazy.

I am trying to keep a good attitude about all this exercise stuff. I am going to make friends with the elliptical and the treadmill and apologize to them both for the nasty things I have said in the past…. I hope they forgive me. I'll let you know how that turns out.

I am off to find my ipod….

Fridays with Kevin

Backed into a Corner

Ava is about ready to start crawling. She goes forward a bit and then plops on her belly. She is pretty proficient at going in reverse, which angers her greatly. The other day she backed herself into a laundry basket. She was not pleased. Instead of helping her I took pictures. Because that is what good moms do.

Jump Rope For Heart

Emily is once again participating in Jump Rope for Heart at her school. She is raising money for the American Heart Association. Please consider donating whatever you can afford to help Emily meet her goal.  Simply click on the word "donating" and you can donate online. If you would like to send a check made out to the American Heart Association and send it to me I will get it to the right place. Thanks for your consideration, it means a lot.

Week Five

As I was pondering what I would write this week it occurred to me that this weekly check in is stressing me out. I think it is important to be honest and open about my journey, but I don't always feel like writing about it on Tuesdays. Seems silly to make it a rule that I have to do it on a Tuesday and I don't like rules… shocking, isn't it?

So this past week was a tough one. I had a few breakdowns involving lots of tears, anger, and just generally feeling sorry for myself. I have a lot of emotions coming up and I want so badly to calm them with food. Old habits die hard and food addiction is no exception.

I am not perfect. I ate a piece of goat cheese pizza on Sunday. It was the Super Bowl and I gave myself permission to eat something that I should not. It was a typical line of thinking…. It is a special occasion, you deserve it. Afterwards, I felt guilty and realized that I did not enjoy it enough to justify the feelings that come with it. While I am committed to this new lifestyle, I am not perfect and expect that I will have some slipups along the way. I can take those slipups and learn from them and adjust my behavior.

I wanted to write a little about the plan that I am following. I feel this plan is the only thing that can work for me. In the summer of 2008 I read a book called Eat To Live by Dr. Joel Fuhrman . When I read it the first time I was not emotionally ready to commit to what he was prescribing. Now I am.  Basically, I eat nutrient dense foods and avoid disease causing foods. For me, diets and calorie counting would never work. Or I guess it could work if I could stick to it. It could work to maintain an ideal weight, but not necessarily excellent health.  As long as I was not eating nutrient dense foods my body would crave more and more of the disease causing foods in an attempt to get the nutrients that I was not eating. I was overfed and undernourished. So I am not only looking to attain my ideal weight but to be in excellent health. To achieve excellent health I must eat a superior diet filled with vegetables, fruit, beans, raw nuts, seeds, and some unprocessed whole grains. By maintaining an excellent diet my weight will naturally end up where it needs to be. No calorie counting, no diets, and no stress. I will add in some regular exercise as well. By avoiding the disease causing foods I am overcoming my food addiction and cravings for sugar, salt and unhealthy fats. I recommend this book and Dr. Fuhrman's other books to anyone looking to achieve excellent health.

*Edited to add: Dr. Fuhrman's plan can be adjusted to include small amounts of meat and non-fat dairy.

Today is my first appointment with my new therapist. I am a little anxious and nervous about it. I know that I must get the psychological aspect of all of this taken care of and get the tools I need to adjust my compulsive behavior when it comes to food. It is easier said than done.

So I lost 4 pounds this week for a total of 17 lbs in 5 weeks.  I think I am going to stop updating on Tuesdays specifically and update when I feel like writing about it. I may post about it everyday one week and none the next, we'll see how it goes.

Cheap Entertainment

Black Bean Brownies

I decided to take advantage of having an extra minute to myself and make the black bean brownies that I posted about the other day. Prepare yourself for my awesomeness  in the kitchen.

Gather all of your ingredients. Assure your child that you are not putting cicadas or cockroaches in the brownies. Those are dates.

 

Put the first six ingredients in the food processor and pulse your little heart out. I like to pulse a lot so that Matt looks around the corner to see what I am doing. Add in the chopped dates and get really serious about pulsing. Add in the flour and pulse some more until blended.

 

Scrape the sides as needed. But turn off the food processor first.

 

 

Spread batter into 9x13 pan and bake @ 350 for 20-25 minutes. Make up an excuse like having to nurse the baby and make your husband clean up the mess.

 

Enjoy your creation.

 

I did not follow the recipe to the letter. I did not put in walnuts. I am still working on trying to get Matt and Emily to eat nuts. Personally I think the walnuts would have been great. I used a mixture of oat, garbanzo bean, and *amaranth flour. I used carob powder instead of cocoa powder. I think I am going to play around with this recipe a little bit. Maybe add a banana like the recipe suggests or some agave nectar to make it more kid friendly. Matt and Emily tried it and said they were not "that bad". I like them, but I have been off sugar for almost 5 weeks. I think my taste buds have changed. So while these brownies won't fool anyone they are an excellent alternative.

*A grain used by pre-Columbian Aztecs until it was outlawed by Spanish conquerors in the 16th century. Eventually it fell into complete obscurity. A grain that was outlawed? I knew I had to try it. And luckily it came out of obscurity and can be purchased in the health food section of our local grocery store.

Later this afternoon I will be making vegan hot wings in honor of the Super Bowl. I probably won't even watch the game as there is surely a Lifetime movie on worth watching.

The Daily Poop

Ava pooped. Fourteen days is our new record. She managed to go through three diapers and had a blowout at the Dr.'s office. Maybe it is because I whispered in her ear that they were going to give her a suppository if she didn't get down to business.

Her Dr. visit went well. She now weighs in at 18lbs 10oz.  She is almost 27 inches long. Developmentally, she is ahead of the game. The Dr. was not concerned about Ava not having frequent bowel movements. He said that she'll go when she needs to.

She is working on crawling, eating solid foods, and being cute…. ok she really doesn't have to work on  the last one…  Here are some recent photos of our six month old.