Yesterday we went to Matt's parents house to celebrate Thanksgiving. We had way too much food, played some entertaining games, and had good conversation. We gave up on talking about religion and politics years ago, which I think was a great idea. Not that I don't enjoy a spirited conversation, but sometimes it just isn't worth it. Not when you can talk about poop and vomit stories instead.
As I see everyone post, mostly on Facebook, what they are thankful for, I have refrained. I guess I have a hard time singling things out. I am being honest when I say that I am thankful for it all. The good. The bad. The ugly. I really believe that things work out how they should even if I don't understand it at the time. I am thankful for the bad times that have given me enough perspective to be thankful for the good times.
Of course, I still miss Kevin with a fierceness that is hard to describe. It was 6 years ago that he was in the hospital fighting for his life over Thanksgiving. I remember Matt writing a short post on his website about what we had to be thankful for.
Thursday Nov 24, 2005
10:15am: Happy Thanksgiving! Despite the difficulties we are going through right now, we have so much to be thankful for. Dawn and I have each other and a wonderful life together. We have a beautiful daughter who means the world to us. We have families who are supportive and there for us on any day, at any time, for any reason. We have friends who care about us enough to follow Kevin’s progress and keep us in their thoughts. And we have a small baby boy who is struggling to stay with us, whom we already love very much. We’ve been able to spend time with him, hold him, talk to him, feel his grip, and look into his eyes. And we still have hope that he will come home with us and grow to be a strong young man. Despite not knowing what the future holds for us, we will never forget the things we have to be thankful for right now.
The last line of his post sums it up for me and is still pertinent today. We never know what the future holds and all we can do is be grateful for what we have right now in this moment.
So, I guess if I had to pick one thing to be thankful for it would be perspective. The kind of perspective that you get when your child dies in your arms. The kind that allows you to live like you don't know what the future holds. The kind that allows you to love with your whole self and accept love in return. The kind that allows you to forgive and mean it. The kind that allows you to laugh till you cry or can't breathe. The kind of perspective to know and recognize just how lucky I am.